Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
