"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
