Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she told me i tasted like america
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
