just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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