Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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