Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
