he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
