I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
