Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
