Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
