I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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