So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
