A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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