he wants to bone in the snuggie
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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