Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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