I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
