Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
