i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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