Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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