toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
