Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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