The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
