Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My penis needs a shock collar
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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