i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
