i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
