I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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