She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
