im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
