i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
