i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
