you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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