Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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