I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
