I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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