The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Houston, we have a squirter
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
