You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have post one night stand depression
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