i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
