Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
