Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
