I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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