it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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