We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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