and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i now understand why vodka
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
