its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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