my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
