Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
