YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My bed smells like the plague
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
