I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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