I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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