He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
