i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
