I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
