i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
