I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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